you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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