I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
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i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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