put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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