Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
