we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
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i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
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Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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