I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
