I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize