I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
