i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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