I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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