in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
