Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
