my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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