Jerry, you need to find god
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
