look no pants
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.