dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
I told him it was alright.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
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He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
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Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.