A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.