erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."