My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy