Is it because I queefed?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
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If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
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I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.