Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.