He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
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What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
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She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?