the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
