You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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