woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
