woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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