mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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