why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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