I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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