You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
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No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
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I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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