We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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