Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
