we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
