I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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