my mouth tastes like poor choices
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize