Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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