did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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