heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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