This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
