i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize