he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You're like the curious george of whores
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
