can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He kissed a someone with a penis
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
