ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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