i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
