when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
