thus making me awesome and them whores
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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