she woke up with a sticky ear
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
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Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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