I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
