new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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