she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
