I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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