i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
