dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
