are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
