Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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