Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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