Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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