need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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