she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
