guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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