Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
