I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
