I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
