Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
do nipples grow back?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize