she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
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The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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