I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
