I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.