I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
